My balls are so social today.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
