Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I puked a lego.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
