She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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