I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
