does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
