I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
