you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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