I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
