so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
