Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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