Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
