I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize