Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
