I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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