I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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