I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize