You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
