I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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