Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
