You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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