Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
