epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
