I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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