You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
