Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
