i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
