if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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