ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
