I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We're too hungover to prance.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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