I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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