I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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