No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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