You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
