maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize