Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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