I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
