His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
