You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
