If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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