everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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