you traded sex for a burrito?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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