ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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