Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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