eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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