If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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