He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
