Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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