His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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