with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
