Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
