matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he thought i was a dude.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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