dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
