I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
