who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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