dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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