I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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