i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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