I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
