her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
