Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
